Friday, June 19, 2009
Stretching the string
I am unaccustomed to not being able to make ends meet. I think in July I can make them meet if I stretch that string v-e-r-y tightly.
I'm admit that I'm spoiled. I used to have a really good job, and my husband used to have a really good job. We got in the habit of eating out, going places, taking vacations. We charged things often, but he would always get an overtime job and then we'd pay the balances off. Even after I quit to be a mom, money was tight, but we always pulled through despite a tendency to spend more than we should.
Now, though, I'm crying over spilled milk. A lot of it. We have, like, a whole milk factory that has to be cleaned up here. And I know it's largely my fault. Not all my fault, but I'm willing to shoulder my share of it.
The windows. We should never have gotten those new windows for the house, among other things. The final decision was up to me, although hubby was the one who wanted me to call the salesman. We had our Bush tax rebate in our hands, and we are both suckers for a good sales pitch. That guy was so pleasant, and good-looking, and convincing. And we really did need the windows. And the energy savings will offset the loan payment! Right.
I'm a mathematician, for crying out loud! I should have known better. I just thought that this recession wouldn't affect us. Mark had been working steadily for a long time, and I had just gotten the job at the college.
I have been agonizing about what to do. "Lord, tell me!" So He told me, but I'm still questioning Him.
What the Holy Spirit has been reminding me is that this is not about me, no matter how much I think it is.
"Trust Me," the Lord says. "Don't look at the problem, look at Me. This is an exercise in faith. Do you depend on Me, or on yourself?"
"But Lord, you gave me all these gifts, talents, and an education. Aren't I responsible for how I use them? Isn't it about me doing the right thing? Making the right decisions?"
"Trust Me. Look at Me."
"I'm trying Lord. I believe. Help me in my unbelief!"
This morning I read the following passage and was deeply moved by it:
Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.
Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"... All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God."-- I Cor. 3:16-23
I am God's temple and his Spirit lives in me. All things are mine through Christ Jesus. He won't let me - let us - fail.