Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Frustration

The feedback on FTQ for my first page (and alternate version thereof) has been great. I have learned so much from Ray Rhamey and everyone at Flogging the Quill. Now I feel ready to plunge into the revising process.

But I don't see where I can make the time. More and more, I'm realizing that the time I redeem from the Internet needs to be invested in my real job, and in my family. My friend Ann posted a comment about "where your treasure is, there your time will be also." That was so convicting. My real treasures are my husband and son.

I'm already running in sleep-deprivation mode right now, struggling to keep my head together. Other people work more hours than I do, have families, and still write, which makes me feel utterly incompetent. I had a terrible weekend, and I just feel so torn in so many directions. No matter what I do, it's the wrong thing.

*headdesk*

I used to think people who posted Scripture all the time were either being really soppy, or trying to impress people with their spirituality. Now I know that it's a way of holding your sword out, to keep the dragons of self-doubt and discouragement at bay.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
~ Psalm 3:5-6

4 comments:

Michelle Gregory said...

Christine, i'll say the same thing to you that you said to me: don't give up. praying you'll somehow find the time to do the things you need to do and want to do. you're my hero for trying to write and hold down a job at the same time. i don't think i could do that.

Christine H said...

I just got a call about a potential third job... They want a full-time statistician, it's close to home, small company, laid back, sounds ideal. But I can't do full-time right now, so I told the recruiter to see if he would be willing to talk to me about doing some consulting until my semester is up.

I don't want to work full-time, but we need the income badly. And it's too good to pass up, almost tailor-made.

But I just had a God-encounter last week where He said very plainly, "You still have to finish the book, Christine."

Oh Lord, what are you doing to me??? LOL!

Pam Halter said...

I totally relate, Christine. I babysit my two grandchildren and take care of a special needs 18-year-old daughter and try to make quality time for my 16-year-old daughter. Sometimes, I squeeze my hubby in. And yet, I'm compelled to write. One thing I've learned about myself is that I write in my head all the time. I constantly think about my WIP and characters and situations and what I can do about it. I scribble down notes like crazy. When I finally get solid time to write ~ and not just a few minutes here and there ~ I can get quite a bit done.

Michelle, I got more writing done when I was homeschooling. I'd set Mary to work and then get busy myself. :)

There is no time limit if you're not under a contract. So, get done what you can ... when the time comes for publication, I know the Lord will open up time for what you need to do. It's just hard to see it when it hasn't happened yet.

Laura Martone said...

I understand the difficulty of juggling multiple tasks and responsibilities, in addition to keeping in mind the call to write. You can do it, Christine, but first you have to take a deep breath and cut yourself some slack. No matter what other writers with responsibilities say... it's never easy for any of us. I, too, am struggling with the art of balance... but you already know that. ;-)